How Your Holiday Can Be an Opportunity for Meaningful Connection

We plan for cooking times, groceries, place settings, flowers and decorations and even to host guests overnight in our homes. But are we planning for a good conversation at the dinner table? I’m thrilled to share this guest post by Brandy Wallner and her three tips for planning for a great Thanksgiving dinner conversation. Keep reading below.

“Feeling safe and seen is what eventually leads us towards even better conversations.”

— Brandy Wallner

For many of us, family gatherings have always held the potential to be tense, but for some, 2020 has taken typical holiday anxiety to new heights. What if Uncle Tim wears a mask and Cousin Liza wonders why on earth he’s wearing it? What if grandma’s sublimely happy with who’s ended up in the Oval office, while Aunt Marie may as well be a locomotive for all the steam that’s rolling out of her ears about it. Or maybe, you’re not even having a gathering this year. Maybe your plans mostly involve video conferencing.

Whatever the case, most of us will still be seeking some level of connection for the holidays and yearn to feel closeness again without the threat of further division.

Here are three tips for creating meaningful connection with your people and gathering peacefully in strange days.

Create Guidelines

I know – it doesn’t sound like the most fun way to start a dinner party but stick with me! Creating guidelines doesn’t mean you have to tell people what they can or can’t discuss around the dinner table. I’m all for deep conversation. What it means is that you’re letting people know how you expect them to engage at your table. A great way to do this is to pray beforehand. Whether you’re a person of faith or not, you can express gratitude for the food that’s been made as well as the folks who’ve gathered. You can also ask that your table be a place of refuge and love – a place full of people who will listen well before speaking and enjoy each other’s company with kindness and grace. Setting this intention beforehand will help your guests understand and respect the kind of get together you want to have.

Have A Fun Question(s) Prepared for Your Guests

A quick way to help guide conversation in the way that you’d like it to go is to direct it! There are multiple ways to do this. You can simply ask the question verbally or you can write your question down on cards or something thematic like fall leaves made of construction paper or if you’re feeling really fancy – on little tags that you attach to napkin rings. The possibilities here are endless. I do find that writing the question down on something tangible helps keep people focused on the topic a bit better than just asking the question aloud. This also allows your guests to think about it prior to the meal if they sit down prior to food being on the table. Side note – if you need ideas for fun and thoughtful questions you can ask, I have 3 sets of cards available at www.brandywallner.com/a-good-conversation-dinner that can help!

Thanksgiving Thumbnail.png — Plan Ahead!

Use the Thanksgiving Planner to help you intentionally prepare for the dinner conversation.

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Set the Tone

It’s amazing what a little soft lighting and relaxing music can do to make an environment feel safe and warm. An environment intentionally created to evoke feelings of comfort, can elicit relaxation as well as a greater inclination towards vulnerability. Light candles throughout your house. Even the bathroom! And create a playlist that will help set the mood. There’s a reason you feel a swell of emotion while watching your favorite TV show or movie - and it’s rarely just about the writing or how great the performers are – the music chosen for the background matters so much! If it’s really great, you barely notice it’s there. But it is there and it’s helping build certain emotions that the director wants you to feel. Choosing music that relaxes you as a host, while allowing your guests to chat over it is key.

These are just a few tips to help you connect well with your loved ones this holiday season, by creating a space that feels safe and welcoming. Feeling safe and seen is what eventually leads us towards even better conversations. Conversations where we have the opportunity to speak candidly about hard topics. We can’t get there – without first recognizing each other as humans, made in the image of God and worthy of being heard. I hope these tips help you do just that.

Are you Team Side or Team Dessert?

Team: BOTH!

Brandy refuses to choose and wants both, please! I can’t say I blame her.

Growing up, Brandy typically celebrated Thanksgiving at her grandparents house. Now she and her husband rotate who hosts Thanksgiving in my family. In the past few years, it's either been at one of her uncle's houses or at her mom and dad's.

Brandy Wallner is a freelance writer and an introvert with a love for meaningful conversation. When she isn’t busy creating content for small businesses and the online writing community, hope*writers, she’s ghost writing. And when she’s not stringing words together, she’s busy creating ways for people to connect to one another and God.

She is the founder of A Good Conversation Dinner, a table ministry designed to help women connect across all perceived boundaries. Brandy lives on a hill overlooking the Port of Los Angeles with her husband.

You can find out more about Brandy at www.brandywallner.com or by following her on Instagram @brandywallner or @agoodconversationdinner