Grief is messy but important; a non-linear process that never quite ends. For many of us, the holidays trigger our grief anew and in turn can even cause us to dread the celebrations we once loved. Especially when there is an empty chair at the table. In this guest post, author and podcast host Rachel Schelb offers four practical strategies to help you navigate the holidays with a broken heart so you can thrive through the holiday season. ~Gwendolyn

Special Guest Post by Rachel Schelb

Finish the lyrics - ’Tis the season to be ________. We know that song and hear it a million times during the holiday season. This is the time of year full of jolly and parties and gathering with those you love. Except, what do we do when it’s the holiday season and we are anything but jolly? How do we navigate grief during the holidays?

There are so many factors that can contribute to grief during the holidays. It may be a relationship has ended, a beloved family member has passed away, or, perhaps, you are separated from those you love because of the pandemic or some other reason. Whatever the case, grief can make us feel extra isolated and lonely during the holidays. We may find it easier to retreat rather than participate in the normal festivities. However, I believe that participating in the traditions and festivities, or creating new ones as needed, can actually help us find joy and peace in the midst of grief-ridden holidays. What do we do if your favorite tradition involves someone who is no longer present in your life? I would suggest that continuing on with that tradition can remind you of the good moments you did share, and provide a sense of security, at least on some level, that not everything has crumbled.

“...Participating in the traditions and festivities, or creating new ones as needed, can actually help us find joy and peace in the midst of grief-ridden holidays.”

— Rachel Schelb

Traditions provide us with a sense of security and stability and can remind us, even in our grief, that life will continue on. It’s not easy, but as we participate in the familiar traditions, we actually are reminding our mind and body that we are loved and cared for, even if our loved ones are not physically present.

Even in our grief, the holidays are coming. Here are 4 strategies to help you navigate a grief-filled season:

Plan Ahead

When we find ourselves grieving it can be hard to summon the strength to attend the required activities of our life such as work. Adding in social gatherings can often seem overwhelming. Plan ahead and choose one or two holiday activities that you will attend. This can keep you from missing out entirely on moments with family and friends, while also giving you the space to prepare mentally and emotionally for the task of grieving in social settings.

Find A Buddy

Bring a friend or cling to the family member who always makes you feel safe and understood. Let them know that you want to be at the event, but you need a support system for the night.

Have An Exit Strategy

As an introvert, I often want to attend social situations, but get overwhelmed easily. I almost always have an exit strategy in mind that will allow me to leave the room for a bit, or even leave the event completely. There’s nothing wrong with this, especially when you’re grieving! Slip out once you’ve spoken to everyone you need to, or ask your buddy to give your apologies on your behalf. Honesty works. There should be no shame in saying that you are grateful for the invite, but you are having a hard time processing your grief.

Give Yourself Permission

Give yourself permission to leave early. Give yourself permission to have a great time and laugh! You can have a great time with friends and loved ones while also processing grief. Don’t assume the holidays will be miserable, and thus prevent yourself from creating new, happy memories. Give yourself the freedom to feel whatever you feel.

At the end of every holiday movie, we see people come together often laughing and hugging after working out whatever tension was written into the story line. This holiday season you may surprise yourself and find that you have a really wonderful time, and may even find a little jolly. However, your holidays may not end that way. You may be worn out and exhausted by the time the holidays have ended, and that’s ok.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Nor is there a proper way to experience the holidays as you grieve. However, do hope that as you implement these 4 strategies you are able to see glimmers of joy and happiness in the midst of it. Wishing you peace, comfort and joy this holiday season!