It is my delight to welcome Joy back to the Hearthside blog again this holiday season. In her piece below, Joy reminds us to let go of our potentially unrealistic expectations so we can be fully present and seek joy this holiday season. Scroll the the end for her make-ahead cinnamon apple baked french toast recipe. ~Gwendolyn

Finding Joy This Season by Releasing Expectations ~ Special Guest post by Joy Marker

Growing up away from extended family, as one of three girls, holidays were generally more intimate and calm gatherings. So the first time I spent Christmas with my husband's family, I was so overwhelmed I cried. Twenty-three adults and children gathered together was loud and chaotic, not what I expected for Christmas.

How do we guard out hearts from unrealistic expectations during the holidays?

It happens gradually over a lifetime, this building of expectations. They came of our own making and were gifted to us by others. And, as it turns out, if allowed to go unchecked, those expectations can steal our joy during the holiday season faster than anything else.

Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. At least, that is what the commercials and the Hallmark movies tell us. We expect to find joy and endless satisfaction in family gatherings, cookie baking, shopping, and wrapping presents. We assume we are to show up to every holiday gathering with a beautiful Christmas dress and hostess gift. Make teachers gifts that are Pinterest perfect, meals that are Instagram worthy, and arrive calm and smiling for choir performances and church services.

Yet, amid this holiday season, this most wonderful time of the year, real life is still happening. We carry financial stress and hold grief, face strained relationships, and live in a broken world. And if that's not enough stress, someone will have a meltdown while decorating cookies, and it won't be the little one. One child will refuse to cooperate for that perfect holiday photo. And the turkey will take an hour longer than expected to cook. Because real life is NOT a Hallmark movie, and rarely lives up to our expectations.

So how do we check in on our expectations and keep them from stealing our joy?

“They came of our own making and were gifted to us by others. And, as it turns out, if allowed to go unchecked, those expectations can steal our joy during the holiday season faster than anything else. ”

— Joy Marker

Let's start by not assuming every year needs to or will look the same. It can be easy to get into a rhythm of "this is what we do every year" and plan holidays on repeat. But every year is not the same. Kids grow and change, people move away, or perhaps a global pandemic hits. So let's pause and consider what "this year" needs, embrace the memories of past holiday seasons and look to this year as something new to be celebrated.

While considering what this holiday season needs, let's be realistic, and recognize our current capacity. Everyone's life ebbs and flows; work, health, and family dynamics change. Perhaps we are living in a high-stress season professionally, or we've been processing a lot of grief. We may not have the capacity to do what we've always done, and it's important that rather than setting ourselves up for disappointment, we are realistic about our capacity in this season of life.

Let's decide what matters most to help us not overextend our capacity and release everything else. When our boys were little, we created an advent calendar with envelopes cut in half glued to a poster board, numbered, and decorated. Then on colored index cards, we would write out the activities and events that mattered to us in that season. Attending a Christmas concert would be placed on its date, and other activities were scattered throughout the envelopes. The boys would then pull out a card revealing our holiday activity for each day. While we no longer make those advent calendars, the practice of deciding what matters most and making space for it ensures we don’t miss the memory-making moments.

“The practice of deciding what matters most and making space for it ensures we don’t miss the memory-making moments.”

Since we just mentioned making space on our calendars for what matters most, let's not forget the importance of intentionally leaving margin in our schedules. Many of us believe that if there is nothing written on the calendar, we are free to say yes to every request that comes our way. Yet real life mostly happens in the ordinary and unplanned spaces. There is laundry to be done, sickness arrives at our house, or we desire to show up for a friend with an unexpected need. Nothing will cause stress in our life more than not having the margin to live the ordinary day because we scheduled every open space. And let’s not forget we need time to rest and restore our energy for the unexpected moments that often make up a lifetime of memories.

The holiday season can be a wonderful time or the most stressful time of the year. And it’s easy to find ourselves on the stressful side of the equation as we attempt to live up to our outdated expectations or someone else's version of a wonderful life. But it is possible to embrace the wonderful and find joy as we release the expectations of what we believe should be and instead choose to live fully present in our real life.

Cinnamon Apple Baked French Toast

I love spending time in the kitchen, especially during the holidays cooking for family and friends. However, I don’t want cooking to be the only thing I do and miss other moments, and so simple but yummy premade meals are a win. This make-ahead Cinnamon Apple Baked French Toast is a delightful way to feed your people breakfast during the holiday season.

Tip: Make a double or triple batch of cinnamon apples and save some as a topping for an oatmeal bar, or for yogurt parfaits.

Make ahead meals are a great way to manage expectations during the hoidays.

Recipe

Cinnamon Apples Ingredients

1 Tbs butter (or butter substitute like ghee)

2 large apples or 3 medium apples

2 Tbs real maple syrup

1/2 tsp cinnamon

French Toast Ingredients

6 to 7 cups of bread, cubed (I like to use sourdough but you can use any kind including gluten-free)

7 eggs

2 cups of milk (I use oat milk for a dairy-free option)

2 Tbs real maple syrup

2 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp cinnamon

Sprinkle of nutmeg

Topping Ingredients

½ tsp cinnamon

1 Tbs Sugar

Optional: ¼ cup chopped pecans

Directions

Make the cinnamon apples:
- Peel, core and chop apples into bite size pieces.
- Melt butter in a pan over medium heat adding apples, sauté for 2 to 3 minutes until apples begin to soften.
- Add cinnamon and maple syrup, simmering until the maple syrup is caramelized.
- Set aside to cool and then store in an airtight container in refrigerator until ready to use.
Grease a 9x13 baking dish, and add the bread, set aside.
In a medium size mixing bowl, whisk together the eggs, milk, maple syrup, vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg.
Pour over the bread, pressing down with a rubber spatula to make sure bread is saturated in the egg mixture.
Cover and refrigerate overnight.
In the morning, remove baking dish from refrigerator, and preheat oven to 350° F. While oven is heating mix 1 Tbsp sugar and ½ tsp cinnamon together. Top egg and bread mixture with apples, pecans (if using) and sprinkle cinnamon sugar mixture on top.
Bake for about 45 minutes, until the top is golden brown and toothpick inserted comes out clean. Allow to rest for at least 5 minutes before cutting and serving.

Sprinkle with powdered sugar or drizzle with your favorite maple syrup to serve.