The holidays are a natural touchpoint and our repeated traditions can quickly transport us back in time as we reminisce and celebrate. Yet as we grow and change it is key to embrace how those around us are growing and changing as well. Just because something worked at one time, doesn’t mean that it always will. In this guest piece, I once again welcome Pamela Henkelman to share with us. Below, Pamela explores the joy of gathering together a family of adults and experiencing the joy of cooking together. ~Gwendolyn

The Joy of Cooking With Your Grown Kids ~ Special Guest post by Pamela Henkelman

It’s funny how time changes a family's relationship with food. When our five kids were home, I made simple homemade food. It wasn’t fancy or fussy, just warm and filling. While most of their friends were eating fast food, chicken nuggets, and frozen pizza, I was happy to cook from scratch. My mom taught me how to cook when I was very young. I have sweet memories with her in the kitchen. Cooking was a way to love my family well.

“Are there onions in this, mom?” was a phrase heard at every meal. I think it was a textural thing for my son.” There will always be onions, Honey,” was my regular response. I didn’t want to argue about food. If there was something they didn’t like, they weren’t allowed to complain. They could excuse themselves and make a peanut butter sandwich, then come back to the table. Dinner time was about connection and sharing our day. When they were young, we read through a corny devotional called “Sticky Situations.” Those were sweet days with our growing family.

The nostalgia of the past may tempt you to continue with the exact same traditions, roles, and responsibilities around the holidays. But as your family grows and changes, the way you celebrate can too.

I was the head cook back then. I had the responsibility for menu planning, shopping, and food prep. The kids were great at cleanup. Eventually the younger two girls would join me in the kitchen, but for the most part food prep was my mission and I enjoyed it. It does not need to stay this way.

Momma, with the grown kids, you don’t have to be in charge of food prep anymore. The weight of holiday meal planning does not have to be on you. Invite your grownup kids to join you in the kitchen. Welcome their help and have fun as you reminisce and learn about each other all over again.

“Welcome their help and have fun as you reminisce and learn about each other all over again. ”

— Pamela

Momma, with the grown kids, you don’t have to be incharge of food prep anymore. The weight of holiday meal planning does not have to be on you. Invite your grownup kids to join you in the kitchen. Welcome their help and have fun as you reminisce and learn about each other all over again.

My five kids all adore time at the stove. I’m amazed at their adventurous spirits in the kitchen and how they’ve grown as cooks. Keenan, our oldest son, makes ridiculously complex burgers. Moriah is an intuitive cook who doesn’t use recipes. Her pasta is a family favorite. Caleb and his wife, Ashia cook “clean” with lots of roasted veggies and protein. Rebekah is an expert baker and isn’t afraid to try a new recipe. Keziah is learning the ropes in the kitchen as a newlywed. She makes a yummy beef stew. We swap recipes with each other and I find it delightful.

Our family is now scattered across four states and it's a Herculean effort to coordinate our schedules, so we can gather together. Our favorite holiday meal lately has been charcuterie boards. We scour recipes and share them in a note app so we can all see what each other is bringing. We gather in the kitchen to cook and prepare, as laughter rings out and we make fun of each other.

We gather trays, boards, meats, cheeses, nuts, olives, pickles, fruit, breads, crackers, dips, and small appetizers. Half the fun is assembling the boards in an elegant fashion. Presentation is everything with charcuterie and with a family of creatives, we make some beautiful boards. You want to have a lovely balance of textures and tastes: salty, sweet, sour, smooth, crunchy, hot, rich, mellow.

Once the boards and trays are assembled we place them at the center of the long table then we gather to enjoy. We rotate chairs every ten minutes so we can try different bites, without having to pass the trays. We “oo” and “ah” over the flavors and fresh combinations. “Have you tried this?” rings out through the evening.

There’s nothing I adore more than having our grown kids, their spouses, and grandkids gathered around the old dining room table. We started as seven members and we’re up to thirteen. Just wait until more grandchildren join our rambunctious bunch. I can’t wait! Joy abounds and our family bond is established, once again, as we gather around the table. Cooking and connecting, over a meal, with our grown children, is one of my favorite moments.